Republicans may run to the Arctic to take Refuge. Here is my five point plan to find them.
Whale Martyrdom Attacks
Whales have suffered more under the Bush regime than any other living creature except me. I promise that once elected, I will hunt down the Republicans and their supporters whereever they hide, including in the Arctic, by using whales on martyrdom operations. I will train them to hone in on the sound of Ann Coulter's voice, then trigger a small nuclear device, thereby incinerating all Republicans in the viscinity and guaranteeing 72 whale virgins in Whale Paradise.
Did you know that Republican voters are some of the fattest on the planet? We have the ability to transform our opposition into fuel to run our tanks, airplanes and military using the latest bio-energy techniques including my patented Republican-to-Diesel program.
INVESTING IN ENERGY EFFICIENCY
In addition to developing new sources of energy, we must make better use of available energy. New technological advances in appliances, energy grid systems, and buildings can boost productivity, create jobs, improve the reliability and safety of the energy infrastructure, and make dramatic inroads in reducing air pollution. Congress should enact energy efficiency measures to decrease energy use by 20% by 2009. If they do not, I will shoot them one by one in front of their women.
PROMOTING THE DEVELOPMENT OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS
The government should provide an aggressive set of tax incentives and grants for consumers and for industries that are retooling plants to promote the manufacturing and purchase of nuclear weapons. Twenty percent of all passenger cars and trucks on the road should be capable of carrying nuclear weapons by 2010.
SETTING AMERICA FREE FROM MIDDLE EAST OIL
Today, America spends more than $500,000 per minute on foreign
oil or $30 million per hour. You paid more than $42 billion for
Persian Gulf imports alone in 2005. It is bad enough that these
dollars will not help grow our domestic economy - - it is even worse
when you consider that they are not growing my accounts in Switzerland.
Congress should act to eliminate America's oil imports from the
Middle East by annexing Kuwait and Saudi Arabia upon my election.
If they do not, I will shoot them one by one in front of their women.