Listening Is Still A Virtue

The Telegraph asks,”Why do do many middle-aged men feel so lost?” The answer? “...(R)eject that old, outdated part of the masculine code, which gave a sense of entitlement, a sense that men can go home, rip open our belts, pop open a beer, belch and be loved. We just don’t get away with that anymore.” Meaning become women. “Terry Real, a psychologist and the author of How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women, thinks the time has come for men to readjust their sights. Our culture’s masculine code, he says, dictates that “men don’t need relationships, men don’t need to be connected, men don’t need to be heartfelt”. ” So put another way, become women.

If 25 years of marriage has taught me anything it’s this: the last thing a woman wants in the house is another woman. For as much as I read about women complaining about men, the only thing they hate more is other women. I’ve seen it in the workplace where men and women work in the same office and sense the office climate in different ways. The men see it like “The Office,” soul-deadening boredom punctuated by arrogant idiots trying to stroke their own egos. But women see the workplace as “Game of Thrones” where each compliment exposes weakness and every mistake becomes an opportunity for advancement.

One interviewee thinks like me. “For House, married and a step-parent, life is quite simple: being a man means to work and provide as well as being supportive to his partner. On the one hand he is a Real Man (very strong on boundaries, earns money); on the other, he is touchy-feely. His wife also works and he is supportive towards her and their daughter.” Damn right. I work full time, always have dinner on the table, clean house as well as the guns, and thawed the house well-head one frosty morning a few weeks ago. I enjoy making quiche almost as much as I enjoy cutting timber using a sharpened chain on my Husqvarna saw. Why limit yourself to outdated gender roles?

Since the 1960s Society has taught men masculinity is bad. I agree it’s not perfect. If I love my kid I’m going to hug or kiss them, and if that makes me look emasculated to other men then so be it. But to criticize men for expressing their masculinity is just as damning as telling women to stay in the kitchen. Society must allow people to express themselves and should not impose sexist codes of behavior. If a guy wants to wear makeup as one of my friends does, he should be allowed to. If a woman wants to rebuild a transmission in her garage in her spare time, then she should come to over and fix my truck.

I don’t think many women want men to express every emotion we feel. If men did I’m sure most women would be surprised at how boring we are. Most men are not seething cauldrons of emotion, and I doubt that women would appreciate living with one who was. Women might say they want that, but my experience finds they prefer to express themselves to someone else and don’t want to listen. That’s okay. I don’t think women and many modern men appreciate the joy of keeping one’s mouth shut, an underrated trait in today’s feminist-dominated culture.

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