Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez stunned reporters today at a press conference when he produced a handgun and threatened to commit suicide unless he win’s Sunday’s presidential election unanimously.
“If one Venezuelan, one votes against me, I promise I will pull the trigger,” the agitated Chavez stated to a stunned press. Later Chavez waved the gun around the room chirping “Pew! Pew!” before answering one reporter’s question regarding Opposition presidential candidate Manuel Rosales’s assertion that Chavez is unstable. “Absolutely not! My madness is seeing poverty in the streets, it’s seeing the powerful treading on the powerless. It’s the aliens in my shoes and the smell of sashimi in my pants which Bush places there with his devilish thoughts.”
President Bush is feverishly calling baseball managers, trying to find a Venezuelan player that is eligible to vote in the Dec 3 election and keep Chavez to his word according to an undisclosed White House source.