Being the foreign policy genius I am, I came up with a proposal to end the Iranian nuclear crisis while stuck in stop-go-watch the idiot next to me try to race ahead in his overpriced, overpowered mass-produced luxury sports car-traffic. Here it is:
Iran claims that it’s nuclear program is for peaceful purposes. The United States publicly announces that it will take the Iranian’s word for this based on the following conditions.
1. Although Iran is currently not a direct threat to the US, it is a threat to our ally Israel. Any overt – or covert – nuclear attack on Israel will result in the treatment of the incident as a direct nuclear attack on the United States. We would then massively retaliate – not limited strikes – but massive complete nuclear annihilation.
Any suspicious nuclear explosion would assumed to be the product of terrorism supported by Iran. We would then hold Iran accountable for any such attack .
Any European ally wishing to may participate in this “nuclear umbrella” over Israel. This means that nuclearized France could join in our protection of Israel.
2. This umbrella can be extended to our allies in NATO on a state-by-state basis. A country could elect to be protected by our nuclear umbrella – or not – depending on its needs. Therefore if a nuclearized France opted out of our umbrella and if it was hit by a nuclear attack, the United States would not respond.
3. This umbrella would also cover Iraq due to our ongoing efforts to rebuild that nation. Any nuclear attack on that nation would be treated as a direct attack on the United States and be treated accordingly.
4. Should Iran become a direct threat to the United States (development of ICBMs for example), the nuclear umbrella would be extended to the United States territory.
While this is a bit melodramatic – as any discussion that has the word ‘annihilation’ in it must be – so are the risks of a nuclearized Iran. To limit these risks this proposal would
a) Encourage Iran to pursue peaceful nuclear technology – and be open about it.
b) Encourage Iran to police itself to prevent being held responsible for any technology falling into the “wrong hands”.
c) Discourage Iranian saber rattling – such as talk of “obliterating the Zionist Entity”.
d) Encourage the Russians and Chinese to exert control on Iran, since neither one of these states would be covered by the “nuclear umbrella”.
e) Remove the US from the forefront of these negotiations. The President of Iran has attempted to portray this crisis as little Islamic Iran vs. the Great “Crusader” Satan USA. Allowing him to pursue nuclear tech within these well-defined boundaries ends that.