Should I Post This on Craigslist?

Free to good home: 16 year old boy. Requires high speed Internet, unlimited video games, designer clothes, food made to his exact specifications on demand, latest generation of iPod, no fixed bedtime, no chores around the house,  unlimited canned soda. Demands respect without providing any in return, drivers license without practicing driving because he knows everything at his age including how to drive. Unfortunately this knowledge does not translate to his grades which include a “D” in Spanish. Madre de Dios... Also unable to follow commands such as “Do your homework,” “Clean your room,” or “Hurry up, you’ll be late for school.” Excels at making his mother cry. Housebroken.

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3 Comments

  1. Jack:

    Scott, that is hilarious! But your chances of unloading a teenager of any age on anyone who’s been one, or exposed to one, are pretty much nil. You’d do better trying to unload a Pinto, a Dodge Explorer, or property in Times Beach, Missouri. :-)

  2. Scott Kirwin:

    Jack
    So true. I thought about offering a cash incentive, but to work I’d go bankrupt.

  3. Steven:

    My thought is to put a fridge in his room, put a lock on yours, and telling him that he needs to pay for his own food. No, he won’t starve.

    One of the truly eye-opening life experiences, that ended 3 friendships, was to have 3 different friends move in with me to “help defray costs”.

    They could not understand that, besides rent, electricty, heating oil and such, that food did not appear magically appear for free simply because they were hungry.

    They could not understand how THEY would eat like a horse, and eat $30 worth of food, that when any OTHER roomate did the same (and expect the food to magically appear) that if you eat $30 in food in one sitting, that at the end of the week, when I go to replenish the food and hit you with a $200+ bill, that it’s “not fair”.

    Also, they would invite a “few friends” over – who also, being teen / twenty-something young men that if your roomates friends emptied the fridge that when YOU went to go and get something to eat that the magical food fairy did not re-stock the fridge with food.

    Same went for phone, heating oil (when my house-mate left his window open after smokeing pot in the morning) that if you leave a window open all day to air out your room that “poof” the heating oil usage more than doubled, and that to replace that heating oil cost MONEY.

    I could go on and on, but you get the gist.

    The friendships ended because I had the temerity to actually DEMAND they pay they money they were costing me – and this went into me being required to PROVE that after they moved in that the heating oil, electricty, and food bills jumped up X amount of %. And even then they thought that “since it’s YOUR apartment” that I should make up the shortfall.

    Never be a teen’s / twenty-something’s first roomate after they move out of home – their culture shock at the costs they took for granted WILL be taken out on YOU for not footing the bill.

    Steven

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