Summer News Lull Turns Brains to Mush

Will photoshop for news...

Gratuitous photo of North Korean Leader Kim jong-il.


The headline pretty much says it all: Summer time isn’t really a time for news junkies – either the consumers, the producers or both. Think about it; a year ago we were obsessing over Gary Condit and the missing Chandra Levy. Today we are worrying about what should be done to “help” the stockmarket (we say: aside from expensing stock options, nothing. It’s called a business cycle folks! Just like we learned in Econ 101 while rolling joints in the back of class. Governments should stay out of markets: when they don’t it’s called socialism!)

Looking over the site, it’s clear that the Summer folder has been thin – and that’s not for lack of effort on our part. While you sleep we craft the finest logical daisy-cutters for you, to be deployed against the pesky appeasement and relativist minded whenever and wherever you find them. But our brains are mush, that’s the conclusion that we have reached.

Chances are, so is yours. While the Democrats try to resuscitate their populist argument with the demise of Worldcom, we military strategists are left with what, Rummy’s decision to protect Karzai with American troops so that an Afghani doesn’t cap his ass? Sharon’s smackdown on the territories keeps the psychotic death cult of Palestinian society at bay. Even the latest attack in Kashmir failed to incite India to glass over Islamabad; two days after the attack it was impossible to find it even mentioned on the web.

Meanwhile here in the USA we’ve got the 20th Hijacker making the American Legal System look like a well-starched baby-sitter. His statements make the Unabomber sound as coherent as Winston Churchill. Which is better than Tom Ridge is looking at the moment. Even those of us who hate John Ashcroft miss his Darth Vader persona when talking about the detainees at Guantanamo.

Speaking of lost souls… We’ve already said our piece on John Walker Lindh – may he rot in hell – and feel less than inspired when contemplating anything that doesn’t involve the California-Taliban with anything but a date with Death.

So what do we do, except see Steve Irwin’s Crocodile Hunter (Steve likes the A-10 Warthog so we know he’s one of us), read Salon’s Sex Issue, and wait for our boys and girls in the Forces to move enough material within striking distance of Baghdad?

We can look forward to the Fall, which should bring us Survivor 5 as well as Gulf War 2: The Sequel, the first anniversary of September 11 (a day which should be considered for holiday status), new West Wing episodes and of course, the mid-term elections.

So let your brains dribble out of your ears, and bear with us while we try to come up with content for you in between frisbee throws and visits to our friends over at the Voice of the Commonwealth. The news is slow – just like it was last year – but it’s not going to be slow for long…

Kim Jong Mickey

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