Archive for March 2003

War’s Eve

The (dis)information is coming thick and fast, but not fast enough for the news junkies like us with Fox News on two TVs in the house. Since everyone is wondering what will be happening over the next few hours, we thought we would take a look at what won’t be happening.

– No more “hide the anthrax” with Blix and crew (“Schultz” – see first comments below) – No more crap from Sen Thom Daschell (D – France) or the short & homely Dixie Chick. – No more playing with chipper-shredders for Oday and Qusay – unless they get a thrill from being fed into one themselves – No more crap supposedly from the Pontiff but most likely from the pederasts surrounding him and propping him up

Things to look forward to:

– A Free Iraq – The phrase “our allies the Iraqis” or “our friends in Baghdad” (useful to fill the gap once taken by the French) – PJ O’Rourke articles in Rolling Stone about the war – Thom Daschell scrambling to get his hands on one of those pamphlets being dropped in Iraq telling him how to surrender – Jacque Chirac explaining to his people the illegal trade in arms to the former Iraqi regime – Chancellor Schroder explaining to his people how Germany supplied poison gas to the former Iraqi regime – Saddam’s dead body strung up with piano wire on a lamppost in Tikrit

An Ultimatum

President Bush has given his ultimatum, and it is clear that the bombs will begin to fall and the armies will clash unless Saddam Hussein suddenly realizes that the game he has been playing with Fate for the last 30 years is finally over. As a member of the so-called “Warblogger” community, I have spent weeks fearing this day as much as wishing for it to come. But contrary to what those on the other side of the debate would have it, there is no rejoicing in my heart.

I am fucking scared. I can be sure about is that there are 250,000 men and women on the other side of the planet who believe in our country who no doubt feel the same. It’s just that the difference between us is that they are fighting for a cause they believe in with their lives, while all I can do is write my little essays, participate in the democratic process and speak to anyone who will listen.

The fearless do not experience courage. Courage is for those who are scared yet do what needs to be done. I saw it on the faces in the video taken during September 11. Seeing grown men, tough men, brave men so obviously scared yet doing their jobs – for some with their last breath…

That is courage. And I know that soon those young people in the Middle East are going to wake up, be scared yet do their jobs nontheless. The call to war, the horn that has echoed down through the ages, is ready to sound. For some it will be one of the last sounds they hear.

There is no glory to be had in Iraq just like there is no glory to be had in putting out a fire or hauling hoses up the smoke filled stairs of the World Trade Center. In a sense Iraq is a fire, and the debate over the past few years has been how big a fire it is. France thinks that it is a containable fire; the “protesters” think that the fire is candle light and are drawn to it like moths. However the United States and its allies recognize the fire for what it truly is, an inferno that threatens to burn down its neighborhood and ours as well. It must be dealt with now while we still can put it out – or it will have to be put out later, at greater cost in lives.

Just because we want to act now doesn’t mean that we enjoy war and killing. It’s quite the opposite really. I believe that all people have a right to freedom and that no one deserves to be oppressed. I also believe that not every one believes as I do, and recognize that there are some men who attain power who believe that everyone exists to serve them and will kill anyone who dares to stand in the way of the fulfillment of that belief. I believe that these men must be removed from power by any and all means. Saddam, the worst tyrant of recent history will soon join Pol Pot in Hell or Idi Amin in exile. Kim il-sung should watch carefully how this is done – as should any one who threatens the people of the United States.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I was going to write something extremely nasty about Chrissie Hynde over her recent traitorous remark until I mentioned it to an extremely young colleague of mine:

“Didn’t she sing ‘Hey Mickey!’?” he asked.

Out of the mouths of babes…

Headline Fun strikes back!


You gotta love those French. They’re preparing to veto the US resolution while we’re soliciting bids for Iraqi reconstruction. One country lives in the past, another prepares for the future. Is it any wonder why France hasn’t been a superpower in close to 200 years?

It appears I was right about Blix. He tried Blixing the Security Council by burying the discovery of an undeclared un-manned chemical weapons “crop duster” in the 173 page addendum to his speech. “Those stupid Americans will never read it,” he must have thought. Pity the poor bastard whose task it was to do so. But s/he discovered something truly amazing: see the Fox News headline from yesterday’s post.

It has been clear for years to many that the United Nations has been subverted to be used as a tool against the United States. It should now be clear to everyone. Hans Blix and the inspectors do not intend on disarming Saddam; they intend to restrain the United States. They’re actions place American soldiers at risk in Kuwait, and since these weapons may be used by terrorists in the USA, place Americans at risk in their homes. One is left with the following conclusion:

The United States should leave the United Nations immediately.

More headline fun….

 These headlines were being reported at the same time…


CNN:



vs…


Fox News:



Note how Fox lists the veto as a “related story” while CNN makes no mention of the illegal chemical weapons munitions story. Liberal bias in the media anyone?

Karma News


Headline 1: US Mulls Troop Withdrawal From Korea

Headline 2 (in Korea): PM Requests Delay of USFK Relocation

This could inspire a commercial:

“Internet connection… $20…

Reading the Chosun Ilbo in English… $0…

Watching an anti-American “ally” shit their pants?... Priceless”

Afghanistan Coughs Up Furball

My feeling is that war is about a week away – give or take a day or two. But if you scroll down to the bottom of this page you’ll see I’ve been wrong before…

Meanwhile, this works for me:

A Mixed Bag

Welcome to the Spring Edition of The Razor. We have survived February without ousting Saddam, nuking Paris, or deporting Jeanine Garafolo for mediocre acting and limited knowledge of the Middle East. To help rectify the latter, we have introduced the Pop Quiz: Middle East. We have selected 24 questions that we believe one should know whenever opening one’s “pie-hole” about the politics of the region.

Well the weekend was a mixed bag. Turkey refused to host US troops – which is good news for the Kurds but bad news for Pentagon planners. This refusal probably means the beginning of an independent Kurdistan – something that this journal supports. The best news was the capture and handover of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed – the mastermind of the September 11 attacks. Kudos to our Pakistani allies for netting this fish and throwing him into our boat.

It seems our expectations of war being imminent were wrong for reasons explained here. However regimes and the press are focusing more on a post-Saddam Iraq, thereby making it harder for them to oppose military action to oust him. While various war scenarios have been floating around for several years, we at The Razor are wondering if the regime change envisioned will be more along the lines of the ousting of Noriega in Panama in 1989. If so, should Saddam take up residence in the Papal Nuncio or French embassy (for the actual playlist click here), here are some suggestions for songs to blast at him:



















Skinny Puppy



VX Gas Attack



Skinny Puppy



Assimilate



Ministry



New World Order



The Cure



Killing an Arab



The first song was inspired by Saddam’s chemical attack on Halabjah in 1988. The rest are self explanatory.

Meanwhile, here’s a cartoon worth checking out: